Learning to Breathe Again

Solomon watching the snow fall, and playing guitar with Mommy.

Well, so far I've been doing good by my resolutions. Actually, the first month of this new year I feel like I've lived a completely different lifestyle. It's all thanks to working less. It was kinda difficult to pull myself out of the cycle of making new deadlines and goals for Little Ocean. I should have the spring collection designed by now, but.... I'm happy to say that my jewelry line is doing well in my online shops and the few boutiques I work with so I don't have the pressure to keep designing and pushing forward. I've just been filling orders, only working the two weekdays that the boys go to daycare, and not even thinking about work for the rest of the week. Those of you who are self-employed understand how work can slip into every nook and cranny of your time and energy if you let it. I can relax so much more, have more fun with the kids, and get so much other stuff done on the weekends just from not THINKING about work!

This fall Makai and Solomon will start going to Mara's school for the full week. I can't believe my stay-at-home mommy time will be over forever in 8 short months. I've been looking forward to working more, but now that it's really happening this year, I'm feeling a little bittersweet. I want to keep my easy work pace through the summer to be sure I can enjoy my time with them, so I will not release a spring/summer collection this year. Fall/winter probably won't happen either. But I'll be designing one or two new items every month or so to be listed randomly. And I will, of course, continue to sell my current jewelry line and I have MANY women's and children's clothing samples from past seasons to be listed soon.

I'm thinking about how back in 2005, my husband and I moved into our dilapidated house, had Mara (I went into labor the third night we spent there), Matthew started his carpentry business, and I started Little Ocean AND my old boutique, Fasten ALL IN ONE YEAR. And life hasn't slowed down much since. This may be the biggest break from craziness that I've had in 7 years. I've freed up time to do things that have been on my to-do list literally since we moved in to the house that long ago! Already some of those tasks have been crossed off and I feel so much lighter.

I'm saying a prayer of gratitude for all that I have today. It's basically everything that I've asked for and worked for over this crazy crazy time. A modest but steady income from Matthew and I each doing what we love, an almost-finished beautiful home, healthy happy kids, and an awesome marriage. On those stressful nights years ago when Matthew and I would argue about money and I was trying to convince myself to close the store because it was sinking us, and our house was a contruction-zone, and I would sew until 3am and wake up with the kids at 6am (while pregnant!), and never could find time to do the laundry...I often thought about the party we would have one day. I would think about how one day we would get to that place where we could finally BREATHE, and we would throw a big party and invite all the people we have in our lives that supported us through it all.

Now I'm embarrassed by my corniness. But I'm throwing that party this summer.